November’s Featured Married Couple: Javier and Yvette “Love Unconditionally”

10698507_10152985696559575_5869089628122441203_nNovember’s Featured Married Couple is Javier and Yvette.  My family first met them when Javier and my husband, Dustin, worked together at Edwards AFB.  I am so grateful that our paths crossed, because both of them are true and genuine friends.  They are a beautiful couple inside and out and you can’t help but want to be around them.  They are always generous with their time, their home, and their friendship.  Every time I see them, I think to myself, “Those two were seriously made for each other.”  Javier is a Major in the United States Air Force and Yvette maintains their busy life while looking after their three amazing children.  They told me that they answered these questions apart from each other and then shared them after they were finished.  They really enjoyed reading each other’s answers and I think you’ll find that they are deeply connected and have some truly beautiful things to say about each other.  A good lesson for us all in lifting up your spouse.  

What did you do for your first date?

Yvette–For our first official date, we went out to dinner to a famous restaurant in Austin, TX called Trudys.  After dinner we went to play pool and we had a great time, especially laughing at my pool skills.  We met through his college roommate and we exchanged phone numbers during a “study session,” which we weren’t very productive at because we spent our time eating cake and getting to know each other.  I was initially a little nervous, but as I got to talk to him more I felt very comfortable and really enjoyed his company.

Javier–Man, I still remember that like it was yesterday.  Yvette was rocking a white blouse and some blue jeans.  I took her to Trudy’s for dinner and followed it up playing pool where she proceeded to hit the balls off our table all over the pool hall.  Everybody was looking at us like “what’s their problem?”

I still remember that I really wanted to impress her and I needed a haircut bad.  I went to my normal guy, Junior, and of course his shop was closed.  I was already running late so I decided to go somewhere in the mall.  I was running like a mad man and ended up paying 30 bucks for a haircut… the most I’ve ever paid to date.  While I was sitting there I was thinking to myself… this better be worth it.

I had just had my car broken into, so my passenger window was all taped up.  Talk about embarrassing.  As I picked Yvette up (on time!) I asked her if it was ok if we took her car.  She didn’t make a big deal about it and let me drive.  I knew there was something special about her.

We had a great night and I asked her if we could do it again to which she said yes.  I even left her with a little surprise.  Apparently, I left the parking brake on in her car, which she drove around town with… oops.

Yvette, what initially attracted you to Javier?

What initially attracted me to Javier was his mannerism.  I had never met a guy that was such a gentleman. He opened every door for me and made me feel so special.  He showed up with flowers on our first date and was so interested in getting to know me as a person.  He never made me feel pressured and paid attention to every detail.

Javier, what initially attracted you to Yvette?

First things that caught my attention when I met Yvette were her beauty and class.  She just glowed and she did it in a way that I hadn’t really seen in most girls.  Then when we started talking she just blew my mind.  We didn’t date that long in college, but I remember it being one of the best semesters I had.

What do you love the most about being married?

Yvette–I love to know that I’m married to a selfless, loving and hardworking man whom I get to spend my everyday with.  It’s so fulfilling to know that I am married to my best friend and that he genuinely loves me unconditionally, even through all my flaws.  We have our difficult days, like every couple, but at the end of the day we both know that we can always count on each other for love and support.

Javier–An indescribable sense of comfort and acceptance.  I can be me and Yvette can be Yvette.  There are no secrets, no facades of an image you’re trying to keep up.  I love her for who she is.  It’s just an amazing thing to have that level of intimacy with someone.

What’s one of the hardest parts of being married, in your opinion?

Yvette–One of the hardest things about marriage has been managing our time wisely with our busy schedules.  Having three little ones that need so much of us and with Javier’s demanding work schedule, it’s sometimes difficult to make time for us as a couple. We know that this is a phase that will pass, but at times we do want to slow down and enjoy each other more without interruptions.  I do love that Javier always tries his best to be appreciative of everything I do by checking up on me while he is away and expressing his love with words and actions to our kids and me.

Javier–Effective communication.  Everyone knows those couples that seem to be telepathic, but honestly that’s not realistic.  I don’t possess Jedi mind tricks in understanding Yvette.  Plus, it doesn’t help that the engineer in me kicks in all the time… “Well you said this, which could mean this or that or the other.”  I get myself into more problems with that than I care to admit.  You have to understand how your partner processes things.  Never assume that they know what you mean or that they are thinking the same thing.  I’m not recommending folks talk to each other like you would to a two year old–just be clear and concise.  We’ve found that if we can do that with the little things on a daily basis, it helps on the big things in our relationship.
You both are Hispanic and the Hispanic culture has lots of beautiful traditions regarding marriage and family.  What is one of your favorite parts of your culture with regards to marriage and family?
Yvette–One of my favorite parts of our culture, with regards to marriage and family, is unity.  Family and marriage is greatly valued and we are taught to overcome obstacles that can sometimes destroy families and marriages.  I come from a family that is very open to communication, so if anything ever bothers us we feel free to address it immediately in a respectful way so as not to let it affect our family harmony.  We are taught that marriage is a sacrament that should be respected and you should give 100% and not consider divorce as your first option.
Javier–The Hispanic culture is very affectionate.  When I joke around that “I’m a hugger,” I actually mean it.  It’s just how we’re brought up and I think this adds a lot to a marriage.  A hug and a kiss everyday as I leave and get home from work, holding hands as we walk around somewhere, or calling each other by affectionate nicknames, keeps the bond close.  Even when we get into an argument and I can barely talk to Yvette, I can’t imagine not giving her a little kiss as I leave for work.  Those are the little things that help re-cage our marriage no matter what.
Did you receive any good advice before you got married?
Yvette–Communication is very important in a marriage.  Try to never assume that your spouse thinks like you.  He is your lifetime partner and no one will ever know you as well as he does on an intimate and personal level.  It’s important to talk about your feelings to help the relationship grow.  I still struggle in this area.  With our busy lives, things can sometimes get easily misunderstood, because we sometimes don’t take the time to communicate clearly.

Javier–The whole “till death do us part” actually makes a lot of sense.  Fifty plus years is a long time and if you’re going to hold onto little things that get under your skin, it’s going to be a rough ride.  Yes, it might get annoying, but at the end of the day, you’re not going to leave, so don’t sweat the small stuff.

Yvette, what is one word you would use to describe Javier?

Confident.  He is the most confident person I know.  He never gives up and tries his best in everything he does except, for house work of course. ☺ The best part about his confidence is that it never comes off as being arrogant.  I am so proud of all his accomplishments.  He never shows himself off or tries to make himself be perceived as better than anyone.  He is very humble and very respectable about people’s differences and reminds me to not be judgmental.  He always finds the good in people.

Javier, what is one word you would use to describe Yvette?

Driven.  Yvette doesn’t play around.  She goes after whatever she’s working on with a tenacity unmatched by anyone I know.  She applies that to being a great mom, an amazing wife and home maker.  She does it all for her family and never thinks twice about it.  It really is impressive and I appreciate it more than she will ever know.

If you could give one piece of advice to a couple about to get married what would you say?

Yvette–Marriage is very hard but simultaneously amazing.  You have to work hard every day to keep your marriage whole by learning to love and serve unconditionally and accepting each other’s differences, just as God meant for it to be.  Don’t get married thinking that you have an option for divorce in case things don’t work out.  Some people rush into marriage thinking that if it doesn’t work out you can always get a divorce and it saddens me because marriage is about learning to love, bearing and enduring all things together during the good and bad times.

Javier–Keep the Lord in your lives on a daily basis.  He provides so much that you have to keep Him close.  Leverage His spirit when the times are hard or just when you all need guidance.  Keep His teachings alive by sharing them with your kids.  Say a prayer before eating together as a family.  It isn’t always easy keeping the faith, but it helps more than words can say.

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