I’ve decided I’m going to have to scale back my blogs a little, while learning to adjust to having a baby in the house again. So, my blogs will be more like journal entries and shorter, until I can find more time to write more elaborate pieces. Just writing something down always helps me feel better.
I am Type A. I’m so much like my mother in this regard. I don’t look at this character trait as a negative thing, in fact, it’s something I kind of pride myself on. I can get a lot done in a short amount of time: I can finish projects, I goal set, I multi-task, I do the impossible somedays. Or maybe that’s just called being a mom. Either way, I have a hard time staying put. My mother is exactly the same way and I’m always amazed the amount of things she can accomplish while still carrying around a smile.
For the past seven or so years, I have been accustomed to doing things in my Type A manner. Enter baby number three. It’s different now, because I homeschool my two oldest, cart them around to gymnastics and piano, and do a myriad of other things. My life has gotten more full since having my first child when I could just sort of chill about the house after having her. The day I brought our third child home from the hospital, I was resolved to not miss a beat. I would still be supermom. And…
I realized quickly I needed to be a little less Type A, but I couldn’t stop myself. I about killed myself in those first few weeks of my son being home. When he was sleeping, I was doing laundry, cleaning cat litter, vacuuming, dusting, making elaborate meals, paying bills, etc. Make no mistake, I have plenty of help, I just wasn’t asking for it. I had this vision that I could still do it all and it was kicking me in the butt. It goes against my very nature to just sit and be still. Dustin was noticing my over-production and realized it was time to step in and intervene.
“You need to take a nap today,” my husband said to me one day.
“No, there is no time for a nap. There is too much to do!” (Mind you, I’m also getting rid of pregnancy hormones, which can leave one irrational and irritable.)
“You need to take a nap today, Amy,” he said with more firmness.
“Well, things around the house aren’t going to get done by themselves. There is no time.”
“Amy, you are taking a nap today.”
Sighing in frustration, I conceded and answered, “Fine.”
I took a nap and it did wonders for my sanity. But, I still needed something more to relieve me of myself and my tendencies to overdue it. One night when I woke up to feed my son, I sat in the rocking chair and looked out at the sky. My stress overwhelmed me and I broke down in prayer. I talked to God for a long, long time. I shared with Him my frustration at not being able to relax and just enjoy these moments with my son. I talked to Him about how I felt I was failing. I asked Him to help me ease up on this part of who I am for now. I begged Him for some relief. And in those quiet hours of the night, there in the dark talking to my Father, I felt Him say, “I’ve been waiting for you to come to me for help. You can’t do this all on your own.”
The next day everything changed. I allowed myself downtime, I took a nap without being ordered, I worried less, and relaxed my expectations. I started asking for more help. Two friends called saying they were bringing over meals for dinner.
That night, back in my rocking chair for another feeding, I talked to God again and thanked Him for His love and guidance. I thanked Him for being there to share my feelings to without judgement and I thanked Him for all His many blessings. One of those blessings being that He never ceases to be there for us. He is always waiting for us to realize that we need to come to Him and find peace in His arms.
My days are much better now. I will always be Type A, but I’m learning to be okay with giving that up a little for the time being. Every night now, I talk to God while nursing my son and I ask every night for the patience and strength to make the next day wonderful. And every new day, my prayer is answered.